Friday, August 8, 2008

It's Official

Well, dear readers, it's official. I seem to attract the angry crazies.

It's not enough that Hershey barks whenever the guys downstairs are not home. Which is always. Really why do you have a dog when you're only home long enough to let it out to go to the bathroom? That's just cruel. But I've come to suspect the dog (actual name, Tobin) suffers from high anxiety due to watching his two humans scream so much.

Which is why I am currently shunned out of my bed, watching a bad Lifetime movie and typing this insomniatic blog post when insomniatic isn't even a word. Tonight the boys came home at midnight thirty. All seemed like clockwork. They're gone all evening, the dog wakes up at 11:00 p.m. and starts barking incessantly for no reason, finally runs out of steam at 11:30 p.m., leaving me enough time to fall asleep until the boys roll in at 12:30 a.m. Indeed, the schedule happened exactly thus, with the exception that I was rudely awakened at 1:30 p.m. by the High Strung Douche yelling at the Actual Nice One about his unresolved daddy issues.

This is not the first time that Douche was yelling about his daddy issues to anyone who would listen. This is, however, the first time that the Nice One refused to listen. About 20 minutes into tonight's tirade (long enough to fully wake me up and chase my dream away) the Nice One packed up his dog and drove out of dodge. He has family in the area he can stay with, you see.

Douche seems to have family problems. The last I heard him scream, he was mad because the Nice One treated him poorly, or, what is "poorly" in his mind. The other weekend they both arrived back from what was a family affair at Douchebag's house. He proceeded to spend the next 2 hours screaming at his father on the phone. Something about what a Senor Douchebag his father is, how he treats everyone like crap, and these two things being the reason why Senor Douche lives alone and no one likes him. Douche Junior would then follow up such a tirade by, "I love you too Dad, but you have to understand yada, yada, yada..."

I found it amusing that he always followed up the daddy issues accusations with an I love you. I found it even more amusing that, as I took myself in and out of the house during this particular rant, I found the Nice One relegated to clipping weeds in the yard to keep himself occupied and out of the fray.

All of this leads me to the following conclusions:
1. Douchebag Junior has some serious Daddy issues he needs to work through in therapy
2. I love my apartment, but hate the angry screaming and dog barking which takes place at inappropriate times
3. The dog in question suffers from serious anxiety and thus barks non-stop
4. I'd rather have DB Jr leave than the Nice One
5. I'm incredibly tired, and now my stomach is growling
6. I seem to attract the Angry Screamers when it comes to renting apartments. How can I break this trend?

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