Newly settled into the hotel for the evening, I think through the events of late. My neighbor is certified Crazy. She screams all night long, and has now turned her menacing threats against me. The local police seem to think that I am not safe in close proximity to her paranoid Crazy, and that I should not return to my apartment unless it is to move out
Heavy.
I make plans to stay at my Lawyer Friend’s house whilst I figure out my now variable living situation. Meanwhile I head to work and the power of the Internets.
During the next day I research the landlord behind my apartment manager, and the property management company behind the landlord. My apartment manager had given me a handy list of phone numbers to every level of management within said company, and so I start making calls.
City Manager – Voicemail. I leave a message detailing the situation and how I would like it to be resolved (i.e. me being absolved of my lease)
Regional Manager – Voicemail (see above)
Company Manager – Voicemail (see above)
I see a pattern developing.
Then I remember a handy President’s hotline number listed on my lease. This number is for any questions or comments tenants may have, and dials directly into the CEO’s special voicemail. A proverbial “red phone,” if you will.
Calling this number, I leave a detailed message outlining the situation, and almost cannot finish I get so worked up with repressed emotion. I hang up only to call back a few minutes later to finish the message. I am embarrassed by this display.
A few days later, after receiving no response to my phone calls, I begin to feel that simple voicemails are not enough.
Thus, I begin typing.
I list every incident of Crazy Lady’s mayhem, including a thorough description of the latest evening’s events that led to the infamous C.O.P.S. reenactment. I also list the names of everyone I called in the company, who have yet to acknowledge my existence and plight with a return call. My plan is to put this together with copies of the previously filed Incident Reports and send it on to Mr. CEO via facsimile transmission.
At approximately 2:00 pm I send out the fax.
At approximately 4:30 pm I arrive at Apartment Manager’s office to discuss my options for a change in living situation.
Her first words are, “Ms. Quarter, what did you do?”
I look a bit confused, and say, “What do you mean?”
She explains, “At 2:30 this afternoon I had every level of management on conference call with the President of the company. They asked what the heck what going on down here, and I told them that they knew exactly what was going on, had refused to return your calls, and so you took matters into your own hands.”
“Now tell me, what did you do?”
I explain to her all of the steps in my David (me) versus Goliath (property management company) Plan and continue to explain that I have several more steps in the works.
She tells me that no such steps are needed, as The Company will be moving me to another building, to a bigger apartment, for the remainder of my lease. I need only to keep paying the amount of rent I have been paying, and Crazy Lady will also be evicted.
Success.
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