Friday, December 11, 2009

5 Ways the Internet Enrages Me

Lately, the makers of popular websites have felt the need to control me and my Internet usage. Subsequently, I've been feeling a somewhat irrational level of rage that will soon push me to abandon these sites that practice the following annoying tactics:

1. Facebook Privacy Notice

Facebook, I will view your privacy changes when I am darn good and ready to and not a moment sooner. If you continue to preempt my regular usage of your site and force me to read things I don't want to read, and make me use functionality of your site I don't care to explore at this present moment, then I will take my patronage elsewhere. Pass the word along to your advertisers.

2. MSN Automatic Bing Searches

I've added the Google toolbar to my Firefox Internet browser. I like Google. I trust their search results. I occasionally enjoy their "I'm Feeling Lucky" function for a good laugh, not to mention Google Scholar, which is a graduate student's lifeline. In other words, Google is my search engine of choice. Except, of course, when I visit and try to start a search in my Google Toolbar.

See above.

When I started typing "Searching Bing" the site somehow preempts my Google search and enters the text into the Bing search bar. In this manner, only "Searc" ends up in my Google search bar while "hing Bing" winds up in the Bing search bar. I hate this. I hate this a lot. You see, I don't want to search Bing. I don't want to be made to search Bing. In fact, I don't think I want to be my homepage anymore.

3. Green Bay Press Gazette webpage ads

I admit it. I'm originally from Green Bay. As such, I enjoy checking out the local news every day, and so I go to the Green Bay Press Gazette's website. However, a new ad feature they've installed at the top of their homepage is beginning to annoy the crap out of me. You see, when I navigate to the homepage, I immediately scroll down to read the headlines. However, as the page is still taking it's sweet time loading, 9 times out of 10, the ad at the top of the page begins expanding, pushing down all of the content below it as I'm trying to read it. You can imagine how impossible it is to read text on a website when it is constantly moving and reloading. In case some of you have missed my recent announcement, any ad that interrupts my attempts to read web content will ensure that I will never purchase that advertised product.

4. Autoplay Videos
The time for excuses is over, Internets. Any producer and/or web designer worth his or her salt will know how to install a video to "Autoplay: false." The fact that you don't do so tells me you do not value my time or independent decision-making faculties. Not to mention the fact that the ancient PC in my office repeatedly gets an Internet Explorer error on video streaming, and, thereofore, autoplay videos mean that I cannot view your website beyond initial loading. Therefore, I have little value for your website and/or product.

5. Being told what to do*
Ultimately, the result of the previous four items is to tell me what to do. I don't appreciate this. I am an educated adult, and I am a savvy web user. I do not need anyone telling me what to do with my Internet usage, especially companies who do so in the name of profit.

*Number 5 is really a conclusion that can be drawn from numbers 1-4, however, a list of 5 sounds much better than a list of 4, don't you think? Ergo, I elucidated.