I've realized what's been missing. And I only realized it once it was back, how's that for ironic? Let me set the stage...
So, have you seen that American Express commercial with Ellen Degeneres and she's bopping along, listening to her MP3 player? She's dancing around the city and finally on the set of her talk show in her signature suit and chucks. The tagline is that she dances to the beat of her own drum and American Express allows her to do so (although one would think a highly paid drummer boy hired for such purposes would do just as well, without that pesky interest rate, but who am I to judge?).
Anywho. That commercial is really about me (I just blew your mind). Okay, so I don't have an American Express card, but I do have my very own personal soundtrack running through my head at all times. I'm serious. I know what you're thinking, but trust me. I mean, does this look like the keyboard of someone who's joking? Or someone who's crazy for that matter? Don't answer that.
I've always figured music was a passion of mine because of this. Or maybe I have this little hit parade in my head because music is my passion. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I never could answer that question with any sense of authority.
Regardless...what I noticed a few weeks ago was that the music was missing, the needle scratched the vinyl, the CD was skipping, Rick Dees was on vacation, whathaveyou. You get the idea...and really only the first and the last of those euphamisms really give you a picture of what I mean, although the first was hardly a euphamism. Bygones.
What I'm trying to say is that I am now, once again, constantly hearing music in my head, occassionally singing along, and only once in a blue moon am I whistling (ever since the little old neighbor lady commented on my frequent public whistling when I was a child, I've been too self conscious to allow myself to do it). But the reappearance of this auditory event brought to light the fact that it was missing in the first place.
Ever since my first few months in Hungary my soundtrack has been silent, the sheet music was blank, the...okay let's not start this again. But it's crazy. I mean, sometimes I'm literally singing along and doing a little dance (a sort of discreet head bop reminiscent of "A Night at the Roxbury." Much to the delight of random passers-by. It makes me happy. Or maybe I do it because I'm happy. And now we're back to the chicken and egg thing again.
To sum up this long-winded blather, the music was gone. It's back. And I think it's absence was, in large part, due to the overwhelming unhappiness and stress I was facing from September - January. And now that I have music in my head again I'm hoping the stress and unhappiness will go away and leave me alone.
I know you were waiting a long time for me to make my point, and I thank you if you've stuck with me thus far. I commend you as well.